Before the First Day

Children feel the most comfortable when they know what to expect. If your child is new to school, arranging to meet the teacher and surroundings prior to the first day of class helps children begin to feel at home. Most children are excited as they begin this new experience. For some, however, beginning school creates more anxiety than excitement. Not knowing what to expect in this new phase of life is scary enough. Having to leave a parent, though, is even scarier. Children who are fearful of separation from their parent exhibit various symptoms.

The most common symptom is crying and clinging to you. Others may include tantrums, withdrawing, stomachaches, headaches or difficulty sleeping. Some children exhibit only one symptom while others experience a combination. Usually the symptoms are short-lived; however, some children cry for several weeks when separating from you. This depends on how much social experience your child has had outside the home, prior to the first day of school.

Consider the classroom teacher as a team member with you and your child. Teachers of young children understand childhood fears. They know how to help your little one adjust to school. Sharing concerns you may have with the teacher helps him or her to be of greater support to both you and your child.

Remember, the teacher has helped all the other happy children you see in the class make this same transition.

Develop a separation routine. A number of simple easy-to-follow steps can aid you and your child during this time of transition:

• Visit the school after class one day. Use this time to drop off forms, put away belongings, and get settled before the big day.
  
  
• Get up early enough to have a few minutes of relaxed play and cuddling with your child before you leave the home. When you are rushing to work and feeling stressed your child is feeling this same stress and will react accordingly. Arrive to school early enough to establish a routine.
  
  
• Be positive about your day. Let your child know what you will be doing while he is at school. Details are not important. You might say, "I'm going to my office this morning and to a meeting this afternoon. Then I'll come to school and pick you up." Your goal is to provide a picture of what you'll be doing without overloading him with too much information. It assures him that your day will go on as usual and that he will not be left out of special activities. It reassures him that you will definitely be returning for him.
  
  
• Make a cheerful statement about his upcoming day that he cannot refute. For example, mention a friend he will see at school. Avoid telling him what fun he will have. That is sure to result in a loud, "No, I won't!"
  
  
• Reflect his feelings to him without getting into a discussion about the situation. Saying, "I know you feel sad about leaving me. We'll be together again this afternoon," is helpful. To discuss why he is sad or adding to his feelings with sadness you may feel only increases his anxiety. Be careful not to transmit your own anxiety about leaving. Your child knows you well and will be able to read any subtle signs of insecurity on your part.
  
  
• Do not linger. Tell your child you love him and give him a hug. Assurance is what he needs at this time. When it's time to leave your child at school, do so swiftly and with certainty. This is VERY hard. He may cry and or cling to you. The sooner you are out of his sight, the more likely he is to get involved in a play activity and thus calm down. The anticipation of the separation and the moment of leaving are the hardest. Once you are gone, he will begin to adjust. Be patient and give your child the time he needs to make this adjustment. The teacher can be very helpful with this last step. She has enticing activities to engage your child's interest. She knows how to guide him gently and firmly away from you as you leave. As soon as you leave she can begin to bond with your child in your absence. Hug your child. Hand him over to the teacher, and say something like, "I will see you later. Miss. Millie will love you while I'm gone."

You can rest assured that if you do not receive a call from the school all is well. Resist the temptation to call and check on your child. Teachers need to be with their class and don't have time for other than emergency calls. When you understand and grasp that the pain of separation is, primarily, a parent driven issue, you learn to handle it and realize that you have a tremendous impact on whether your child feels safe in new surroundings.

Developing these routines, while confronting your own complex feelings about separation, can go a long way toward easing the pain of leaving your child in someone else's care. If you continue to feel beset by your feelings, even after implementing these suggestions, you might want to consult the director to help you through the transition.

Now That Your Child Has Started School

After school has been in session for two or three weeks, you may want to make an appointment to visit the classroom teacher. You do not have to have a particular reason. Teachers like to have parents show an interest in the school program. This is a meeting to introduce yourself, see the classroom and ask any questions you may have. If your child has special needs, addressing these early in the year sets the stage for school success.

Finding some time each day to talk with your child about his or her day is one of the surest ways of showing that you are interested and care. Sometimes we tend to use this as a time of questioning; "What did you do today? Who did you play with? Do you like your new teacher?" When we do this, our children feel interrogated and tend to withdraw and answer you with "I don’t know."

A more effective way of learning about our children is to say something like, "Tell me about your day" or "I'd be interested in hearing something you enjoyed about your day." If your child isn't inclined to talk, don't push it. Tomorrow may be better. There is no need for concern unless a child never chooses to talk about school.

Preparing children for a successful school year is not difficult. It does take time. Taking the necessary time to give children a jump start into the year lays the foundation for greater year-long success.

You will experience a variety of feelings if your child has difficulty leaving you. Some will surprise you. You may feel sad, scared, anxious, angry or hopeless. You will not feel neutral!

Finally, know that you and your child will get through this time. When you do so, school becomes the positive experience you both hoped for.